I’m Still Afraid Sometimes

Here are some pictures that remind me to be thankful for my life now and that I’ve actually grown up into a somewhat pretty woman.

I’m thankful for:

Having reasons to smile. (Me in hanbok)

These two funny guys

My loving family.

Facebook is kind of stupid. No, it’s really stupid. I use it now to keep in touch with my family and to have laughs with my coworkers and to run my blog’s page, but that’s really it. I enjoy using it for those reasons. What I despise is the fact that any old clown can create a profile, which means that ANY OLD CLOWN CAN CREATE A PROFILE. I remember back when it was only being used by college students. You had to have an .edu address just to sign up.  Now, even my great aunt is using it.

With this “social media” tool, we have access to information on millions of people from all over the world. Today, for whatever reason, I searched the name of the idiot who changed me forever by invading my comfort and confidence in people. The 17-year-old me still remembers when the 46-year-old him chose to be a disgusting, deceiving adult to an innocent, wide-eyed, insecure adolescent.

Seven years later I still think of him and what his life is like now, which occasionally leads me to Googling or searching for him on Fbook. Today is the first time in years that I actually found him. No idea why he’s just popping up now, but I found him.  Stupid old man with his stupid, pretend happy life. His stupid gray hair.  I hope his life sucks.  Even thinking about what he did to me makes me irrationally scared. I can’t even bring myself to express the details of what happened because I’m still ashamed and scared.  If I were to see him today, which is likely since apparently he comes to my city often to visit his stepdaughter, then I would probably cry, hide, or yell angrily at him.  Maybe I could extort money from him. Hmm? haha! I kid, but he does deserve that.

I’m so thankful for my life now and the safety I feel with K and the love I have for him and my kitty. Anyway, my parents would probably band together and murder this man if he were to ever do anything to me again.

He doesn’t deserve this post, but it’s not for him, it’s for me. I need to express for my own sake that it wasn’t my fault and he was the adult making that stupid decision, affecting my life more than he knows.

I love you K and Chester and of course mom, dad, and Ash.

Hope your day is lovely. It’s actually cold outside! :(

Megan